As many of you know by now, I'm an acquisitions and developmental editor for Harlequin's e-publishing imprint Carina Press. My job is AWESOME. I get to read, read, readity read manuscripts. When I find books I love, I shamelessly beg the acquisition team to let me have 'em, and then I get to work with awesome authors and help make their books as strong and compelling as they can be.
But sometimes...sometimes, this job drives me to the drink. I'm not just talking about a gentle glass of riesling or chardonnay, either. No, sometimes I need a BIG boozy drink, like what this foxy lady is having:
So, without further ado, I present...the top 10 ways to drive an editor to drinking:
1--Send a manuscript that's insaaaaaaanely long. I'm talking 250,000-word tomes. Those make me cry. They make baby Jesus cry. They make Bobby McFarrin cry, and that dude is always happy. Cut that number in half at the VERY least (and even that's genre-specific, like epic fantasy and historicals...other genres are likely going to be a lower word count) and then, let's talk.
2--Email constantly about the status of your manuscript. My day flies by much quicker than I could ever have dreamed. I typically read new submissions on evenings and weekends because my business day is packed with editing my current authors, among other tasks. So it can take a while to get to new submissions. Please, don't fret. I promise, it's in the pile.
3--Send a manuscript that's a rough draft or hasn't been proofread. Editors know errors are going to happen. I'm totally cool with that, and I anticipate it--I just want a good story, and I'm happy to work with authors on the rest. But if your manuscript is littered with insanely obvious errors (e.g., there's a HUGE difference in spraying your cologne and spraying your colon)...well, it makes me drink. And my eyes bleed.
4--Tell everyone on FB/Twitter/your blog/in the newspaper that the editor is a fatty fat jerk for rejecting you. I can't emphasize enough that it isn't personal. Not every story works for every person. Just keep submitting to other editors. YOU ONLY NEED ONE EDITOR to love it and acquire it.
5--Nitpick to death about house style. Every publishing house has various particulars that are non-negotiable style-wise. Editors abide by these when we're editing your manuscript. Rejecting those edits just makes the job more difficult. And the liver more springy due to heavy drinking.
6--Be a total diva. My authors know I'm a hands-on, thorough editor. I comment a LOT as I read and edit because I'm engaged in the story. When I present an edited manuscript, there's lots of stuff in there that are suggestions and don't NEED to be followed. If you don't want to do those, no skin off my nose. However, there's other stuff I recommend edits for because of more serious content issues. Battling over edits makes me dislike working with you. I'd MUCH rather you take time to consider the edits, and if you don't want to make particular changes, let's talk. We can find a compromise that makes everyone happy.
7--When you get an offer from another publisher, only give, like, 2 minutes to read/decide upon your manuscript. Look, the buck doesn't stop here. Even if for some reason I'm able to read through your manuscript overnight (because typically, I have to push aside all my other work to do so), it still has to go to an acquisitions meeting. And those aren't daily--at least, not in my experience. Harlequin's meetings are usually weekly. I can't move mountains or make it go faster. Please, be patient.
8--In your query letter, say you're the next big thing in X genre. You telling me that your writing is better than bestselling authors is a big old turn-off. Don't brag (and that includes telling me that your story is tear-jerkingly amazing, or hilarious, or brilliant, etc). Let your writing speak for itself.
9--Send inappropriate material. What I mean by this is stuff that our publishing house doesn't read. For Carina Press, that would be things like poetry, anything with under-18 sex scenes that could be construed as pornographic in nature, YA, etc. Please read the guidelines.
10--Ask the editor to tell you every single reason why your manuscript was rejected. I know you want answers, but I read dozens of submissions each month and just don't have time. There are a lot of very common reasons why manuscripts are rejected--I've posted them on my blog. Carina Press has done the same. I know other editors, agents and industry pros do too. But my job as an acquisitions editor isn't to help you grow your craft. It's to find manuscripts I want to acquire. So find a critique partner. Read books on craft. Join a writer's group. Hire a freelance editor. There are a lot of great options for you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more manuscripts to read...and a glass of vodka that's calling my name. haha
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