A Day...in the Life...of Rhonda!

Let me take you on a journey, dear Reader, a journey from which you will never recover. Mwahahahaaaaaa...

Seriously, now that I'm done rubbing my hands together evilly, I thought it would be fun to show you how exotic and dream-worthy the life of an author is. To make things easy, I'll just take a typical Monday and describe it for you.

Please fasten your seatbelts in case of a bumpy ride. And try not to be too jealous, okay? LOL

5:45 to 6 am -- alarm goes off. Am half awake. Lungs aren't functioning. Smack the alarm off, pee for like 20 minutes, brush teeth, run comb through hair. Dress in the dark so as not to wake the manpanion or my two dogs. Whoops--accidentally breathed too loud. Insane puppy wakes up and jumps, slathers me with drool, then stands by the door begging to get out. Commence intricate distraction plan and slip out and close the door. The manpanion can deal with her.

6:00 to 6:15 am -- check email. Nope, nothing good. Tired of hearing from the people in Nigeria who want me to share my bank account. Guess what, buddy? Can't squeeze blood from a turnip.

6:15 am to 7:00 am -- drive to school in the freaking dark (I teach freshman comp at a community college). Chug a diet pepsi and turn on some kind of upbeat music in a desperate attempt to wake up and be PERKY! Head to my class--always pass by cafeteria that smells like sauerkraut. I swear, it's a perpetual Oktoberfest in there. Print off material for class.

7:00 am to 8:15 am -- teach class. Try not to be boring. Ignore groans of misery when I hand out yet another depressing classic short story.

8:15 am to 8:45 am -- drive to my day job. Chug more diet pepsi. Whee! Arrive at work without wanting to kill too many drivers, pull into one of the last parking spots available, and wave to the smokers on my way in the office.

8:45 am to 5:00 pm -- ride high on the caffeine rush for 10 more minutes, then crash into work coma. Work. Email. Check Amazon rank status. Work. Email. Check Amazon rank status. Yap with coworkers. Check Goodreads status to see if I got any new reviews. Blog. Talk on forums. Work. Email. Inhale lunch. Look down and realize I am either wearing mismatched socks, my shirt is on backwards, or my underpants are inside out. Yap with coworkers. Visit every online bookstore known to mankind to see who is stocking my book, if they're in stores, and if their ranks have changed when applicable. Check Amazon rank status. Cry on the inside because the stupid numbers are going up, not down. Get mad, close browser, try to focus on work. Lather, rinse, repeat.

5:00 pm to 5:30 pm -- attempt to drive home while surrounded by total morons who should never have been given a license. Start prepping brain for writing tonight. Mentally flip off jerk who cuts me off. Then physically flip off jerk.

5:30 pm to 7:30 pm -- eat dinner. Check email. Nag kids about chores and homework. Do editing for Carina. Nag kids some more. Check email. Talk on forums. Review my critique partner's material. Come on, kids--do those freaking chores already! Shove son into shower. Daughter won't stop talking. OMG please stop talking.

7:30 to 10:30 pm -- sit down to write. Son finishes shower and stares over my shoulder. Ask him kindly to find something to do, to which he tells me there's a 25-minute youtube video he wants me to watch. Sigh, close writing document, and watch the video. Then wish I could get those 25 minutes back. Shove son into kitchen for him to make lunch. Pay bills and balance budget spreadsheet. Daughter comes back downstairs and talks some more about her love life. Wish I could gouge my eyes out. Pull wood chips out of slobbering puppy's mouth. Finally, kids entertain each other. Open manuscript back up and get pages done. Then open fav online game-of-the-week and play for a while. Kids return and mock me for being an addict. Shove them off to bed. Pour a glass of wine. Oh heck, let's make it another. Drag my sorry, tired self into a shower and then to bed.

There ya go, kids. See, if you work hard, you too can lead a glamorous life! Seriously though, I know there are TONS of other authors who fit writing in between parenting, working, etc. Kudos to us working folk who make it happen! :D