Query Letters--the one that got my agent

I'm having a lot of fun doing posts about my writing journey, what tips/tricks I've learned, etc. So I figured today, I'd share the query letter that garnered a lot of interest and got my agent, along with commentary.

NOTE: this is only one query letter, and this is only one person's opinion. All I can tell you is that it worked for me, so maybe it'll help you as you go to craft a letter of your own! :D

All of my querying was done through email or through pitching at conferences. I tried to treat them as if they were snail mail queries, but I didn't put the header information at the top (my address, their address, etc). My subject line generally said: QUERY--Nibbling Nirvana.

NOTE: the most important thing of all to remember: if the agent has specific guidelines on what he/she wants, THAT TRUMPS ALL. If they want you to paste the first five pages into the email below the query letter, do that, and acknowledge in your query that the pages are below. If they want the subject line to read a certain way, be sure to do that.

One other tip--keep your query to no more than a page. Agents will thank you for it! :D

Okay, on with the show!!

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Dear Miss So-and-so, (Make sure you put the proper name here! This is really important)

I'm querying your agency regarding Nibbling Nirvana, my YA paranormal chick lit of approx. 45,000 words. (This sentence/paragraph would often be tweaked, depending on the agent I was querying. If it was an agent whose blog I loved, for example, I'd mention that. Or if I had a connection with that agent somehow, like having met the person or having a client recommendation, I'd mention that here, too. Otherwise, I'd likely leave it a bit generic like it reads above--it's important to not make it sound forced, and sometimes straightforward is better. Also, notice that I mentioned the book name, genre, and word count right up front--that way, there's no question in the agent's mind.)

When flaky, materialistic 16-year-old Teresa Jones kicks the bucket by choking on a pork sandwich, God gives her a chance to work her way out of limbo by performing good deeds. She befriends Brandon White, a quiet video game nerd in her school who can actually see and hear her, and they strike a bargain: he'll help her fulfill her mission, while she'll teach him how to woo her pretty and popular best friend. (I set up the heroine, the incident that starts the whole story, and her goal. I set up the hero, too, and tell his goal. And I tell how they'll work to achieve those goals.)

However, a clueless ghost hunter (who just so happens to be Brandon's ex) will do whatever it takes to make Teresa cross over to the other side. Suddenly, Brandon's juggling more girls than he can handle, while Teresa's dealing with regret of things left undone. And both must face an insurmountable problem: falling in love with each other. (I tell what is getting in the way of them getting their external goals. Then, I tell what's getting in the way of them getting their internal goals and how it affects each other.)

(FYI: The two paragraphs above could be thought of as a back-of-the-book blurb. It's meant to tease, to make the reader want to pick up the story. If you need more help writing blurbs, check out book blurbs in your book genre. Or pick up a story you love that isn't yours and play around with writing a blurb for it, just to get the hang of it.)

Miss So-and-so, I have a Master's degree in English and a Bachelor's degree in English, Creative Writing. I am a principal manuscript editor for a legal publishing company, and also freelance edit and teach self-editing workshops. I am a member of RWA, as well as the chick lit chapter. (Here is where I tell my experience. Make sure whatever you list is relevant to show why you're qualified to write the story--either with schooling, or professional organizations, or previous publishing experience. If you don't have any, don't sweat it--just leave this paragraph out. Better to not force anything in there that doesn't fit.)

I would be delighted to send you Nibbling Nirvana. Please let me know if you have any questions - my email address is blahblahblah @ blahblah.com. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you for your time. (Here's where I tell them I'd love to send the book to them and wrap it up politely. That first sentence could change, depending on the agent's specifications--e.g., if they want queries to come in with material, I'd include the material below, and this sentence would say, "per your specifications, I've included XXXX below).

(At the end of this, I'd sign my name, my email addy, and my cell phone #. You want to make it easy for them to reach you. And I also make sure that my manuscript's first page has all of that information).